Monday, April 1st

I wasn't up to the challenge of writing everyday in March, this time.  I think there are a couple of reasons why: 

1. I'm out of writing form.  Like a middle age lady doing her first 5K run, I needed to work up the stamina  Writing is not yet part of my everyday, but I wrote enough in March to imagine what it would feel like to write everyday, to glimpse it, at least. 

2. I struggled with the challenge to write narratives.  When we were given the nudge to craft stories from our lives everyday, I realized a story is not always what I felt like writing.  I often want to write about unformed ideas or impressions--things I want to work out in writing that don't have a middle or end yet  Trying to craft a story everyday forced me to write about more discreet or settled moments, not the wild, unruly ideas that I cannot put a last line on that are really calling to me.  Then I lost a little momentum in the process. 

3. I struggled with having an audience.  I have a sort of outline of the ideas and voice I am looking for in my writing, but I'm not sure that voice is one I'm comfortable sharing yet.  I'm thinking about Roxane Gay or Claudia Rankine, writers who write with terrifying vulnerability and honesty about their thoughts and lives.  I am trying to find my way to that honesty, to be able to write ugly truths or observations. 

Here's what I got from the challenge:  a taste of the pleasure of thinking and working on words everyday, a clearer understanding of purpose, which for me has less to do with an audience and more to do with finding words that help me unlock a certain space in my head, that get me out of my to-do list brain and into the brain that notices, wonders creates.  What I do need is commitment, so, for now, I will work on the practice of posting at least once a week.  For writing that at least echos the voice that I hear when I'm running or walking, that has beautiful or ugly things to say. For finding my voice. 

April 1st--try again.